Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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