I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
