I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
