I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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