i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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