You made me cry and you don't even care
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
