he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
