he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
