i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
