Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
