I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
