I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
