Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
she smelled like a LAN party
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
