There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
