ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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