So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
