She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
