i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
