I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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