Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
