new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
