he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
