I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Holy sore nipples Batman
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
