me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
