dude i'm inner monologue high
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
