McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
