The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
