How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
