Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
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