Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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