If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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