So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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