Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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