She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
