Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
