Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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