My brain says no but my pants say off.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
and i looked up. we had an audience...
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
