dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
