I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
