hell yes lets make some ravioli
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
