hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
