just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
