i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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