Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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