I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
