Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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