Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
