Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
