sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
