sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
