Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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